lollipops and dirt

I don't wake up every morning thinking about you,
I don't think of myself as beautiful either,
I don't even think about myself,
Or you,
Or anyone...
To be honest,
I don't live,
And I can't die, cause I'm already dead,
I am chained to this blind hope for freedom,
even though I am dead to the world,
Dead to my family,
Dead to myself,
I don't think about you,
You don't think about me,
But I still feel fear,
I sleep to avoid it,
I don't dream,
But I live nightmares,
They plague my life,
They plague my love,
They plague my hope,
And this plague has killed me.